Loss of a Legend

This morning I woke to the sound of my blackberry notifying me that I had a text message. Who the hell would be texting me at 6:45 in the morning? I was pleased to see it was my best friend, Sarah. Sadly, she was delivering some tragic news: Our favorite comedian and social commentator, George Carlin, was dead at age 71.

To be honest, I'm not entirely surprised to hear it. I was fortunate to see him on tour with his last standup routine at Jesse Hall in Columbia with my dad, an equally devoted Carlin fan. The performance was not quite at his peak ... always funny, but not quite the same as some of the stuff he put out in the late 70s through early 90s ... routines that made Sarah and I double over in laughter when we'd stay up until the wee hours in high school watching old specials. I swear I've never laughed so hard. At this performance, his age was showing. Spunky and surly as ever, but you could see that he was turning into an old man and it was then that I realized ... he might not be around much longer. It was a dreadful thought. And sadly, the day is here.

His social commentary, while often shocking, always spoke a bit of truth. Truth hurts, and Carlin never failed to unabashedly provide his honest, if somewhat scathingly cynical, opinion. He had a way of making you understand how ridiculous we could be with our social mores ...

For example (regarding common expressions he questions...):

"The greatest thing since sliced bread. So this is it? A couple thousand years ... What about the Pyramids ... The Panama Canal ... The Great Wall of China ... even a lava lamp, to me is greater than sliced bread. What's so great about sliced bread? You got a knife. You got a loaf of bread...SLICE the fucking thing!!! And get on with your life."

He really did have a way of putting things in perspective.

So, if you're having a bad day, just remember, you can always count on Carlin for a little laughter. I mean, if poking fun at people's stupidity doesn't make you feel better, I don't know what will.

And while there's a universe of funny Carlin comments that will keep me laughing for years, I leave you now with my top ten:

10. "The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

9. "Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider that."

8. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight ... with widely scattered light by morning."

7. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these institutions screw us up enough on our own, so both of them together is certain death."

6. "I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it."

5. [About airplane announcements] "About this time, someone is telling you to get on the plane. 'Get on the plane. Get on the plane.' I say, 'fuck you, I'm getting IN the plane! Let Evil Knievel get ON the plane! I'll be in here with you folks in uniform! There seems to be less WIND in here!'"

4. "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay? And it makes the world a lot easier to sort out."

3. "And speaking of mindless Hollywood cocksuckers, before Charlton Heston became President of these dickless lunatics in the NRA, they had a different guy. He's still one of their major spokesman, and his name is Wayne LaPierre. Doesn't that sound a bit fruity to you? "Hi, I'm Wayne, I'm a gun person. Bang bang!" You know what this guy's name ought to be? Biff Webster. Spud Crowley ... a man's name! Chuck Steak!"

2. "Rat shit, bat shit, dirty old twat! Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot! Hooray! Lizard shit! Fuck!"

1. And it can only be relived through video. I bid you adieu.